Fast Forward...

Showing our age here. Of course, nowadays you skip tracks. As much as we love musicals and like to spread the musical love, we are but fairy. And there are a few songs that get us to reach out and press the FF button faster than we can reach for a choccie bar. Our first choice for this list was going to be from 'Wicked' and, controversially, 'Dancing through life'. However, due to recent feeedback we appreciated we would be at risk of concussion from high flying handbags and therefore opted to omit this from the top ten. Karina detests 'One short day', wheras Tamsin loves the whole old Hollywood vibe of it and the clever lyrics (It's the egg men. Always the egg men. Nightmarish. -Karina), so we omittted that one as well. Therefore the following are songs that we both wholeheartedly agree could spoil our musical experience if we allowed them to.

Let the games begin...

Castle on a Cloud
Les Miserables

Feels almost blasphemous as it is our favourite show and this is sung by the poster girl herself, but fast forward we must.  Because the sheer tweeness of this song leaves us speechless.  Thank Goodness it`s in the first act or we`d be put right off our Haagen Dazs.  It`s so bad, we couldn`t even find a link we could bear to post.  Master of the House please.

Surrey with a fringe on top
Oklahoma!
Oh stop yer braggin....

Not even the lovely Hugh Jackman (we may be old school sometimes but Hugh trumps Gordon on the phwoarr factor) can save this song from being utterly irritating.  Well, audio-wise.  Visually, it`s a treat. Thank goodness this fabulous production was recorded for posterity....
But come on - it`s only a buggy for Chrissakes.
And fringes are out this season.


 All I care about is love
Chicago
Think Richard Gere can`t sing? You could be right....

We love the movie.  And the stage show.  Gary Wilmot was fab as Billy Flynn in the tour - but the song is rubbish compared to the rest of the score.  Complete rubbish.  Yawnsville.

I hate men
Kiss Me Kate
You`re kidding no one, love.

Nothing wrong with a bit of musical Shakespeare.  We love West Side Story.  But this song is smug, tuneless and utterly screechy and annoying.  She hates men.  We hate her.


Tomorrow
Annie
Orphans should be seen and not heard...
Jolly children scrubbing floors and jumping on furniture. Annoying ginger curly plucky fiesty funny clever spunky (feeling a bit sick yet?) nauseatingly cute BRAT saves the day. This song is bad when you're having a good day and even worse when you're having a bad one. The only saving grace is the magnificent hound with gorgeous hairy chops. Woof.

Megamix
Joseph and the Amazing Technicoloured Dreamcoat
No links needed for this one. Really. The world's shortest musical becomes extended by a re-jig of songs you've already heard twice and now have to endure over another 15 minutes. We would have happily gone to the Nell Gwynn instead. And we frequently did. But only after the cherry-picker-ticker-tape moment. Naturally. We may be fairy but we are also woman. Hic.

Easy Terms
Blood Brothers
The marvellous Barbara makes this bearable...but even she is no miracle worker...

Karina saw this many, many moons ago and cried her eyes out. But was it because of the stirring storyline or because this song became the story of her life...?!?!?!?  'Living on the never never...' - For goodness'sake! In this current uncertain financial climate, do we REALLY want to listen to songs about money problems and broken dreams even if she (Mrs Johnstone) is singing about giving away her baby??? Are all Scousers this cheerful??? In a word NO. We don't want this much misery in our musicals (unless it's Les Miserables). Next please....

You'll never walk alone
Carousel
Walk on...

Enough already! Enough sadness and sorrow! Enough wimpering little brave woman! Where's womens lib when you need it???  Enough little girls being bullied! Enough with the macho nasty guy being stabbed!! Enough!

No matter what
Whistle down the Wind
Time to sleep.

Tamsin refers to this as 'The song with join-the-dot lyrics'. Quite rightly so. It's boring, it's monotonous and completely and utterly below par when you consider this is from the ALW stable. How Boyzone managed to make this a hit is anybodies guess. Unless Britain is a nation of insomniacs and listening to this was a better/healthier option than stocking up on pharmaceutical night sedation. Each to their own. Yawn.

And there you have it. As much as we wave the musical flag, there are songs that do our heads in, and these are the first thst sprung to mind. As always, this list is subject to change at very short notice. We feel we may be adding to this list after seeing Jersey Boys later on this year...