Superstar - Live Show #8

This is a public service announcement.

Viewing of the above programme will resume this evening. Not because the Theatrefairies have changed their opinion since last night, au contraire. It's because we haven't changed our minds. And because we started this process, we will finish it (though Karina might not be here on Wednesday. Ah well. Quel dommage), right through to the bitterest of bitter ends. We don't always review things we like, but we voice our opinions despite that, because writing about theatrical things we like and dislike makes us oddly happy.

And at risk of sounding a bit OCD, we hate unfinished business...not having a 'full set'. The series isn't quite yet finished, even if all the good contestants have been voted off and ALW has proved to be thoroughly manipulative and a downright bully, and the 'judges' are a bunch of sycophantic yes-people without enough MT credibility between them to fill up a tin of stinky sardines . That's what we think.

And no, after Nathan James was booted out unceremoniously yesterday for being the best singer on the show, the most likely to do the part of JC any justice whatsoever, and only eliminated because he behaved like an overexcited boy (He's 23 ffs!!!!!!) and his face didn't fit ALW's  warped standards, we won't be going to see the arena shows. Not interested. There seems very little point in spending megabucks watching Mel C and whoever the winner turns out to be, limp their way through an amazing score and make it sound like ill-fitting pants.

Just in case you wondered.

Tamsin will be joining me later. She is currently out and about, enjoying the sunshine and the company of an 8 week old puppy (Not jealous!! NOT!!), so sorry for having to put up with my (Karina) drivel again first.

I would be lying if I said I was overflowing with enthusiasm at the prospect of watching the next hour on TV, as I know I'll end up irate and saying things that I normally wouldn't .

The remaining four contestants are...bland. Amanda is grinning like a demented Barbie (but wearing a frock which would look great on Tamsin.).

Bloody Hell!! All this and KATHERINE JENKINS??? Am I in hell?? Am I being punished for being alive?????
Clearly.

'What's the buzz'. Starting with Ben who sounds weak and non-descript. Rory is giving it no welly or emotion. David has decided to 'act' his way through this one. If that's what you want to call it. Roger has got the best voice. But it's all wrong for this part. This is an iconic song!!!! ALW has written it!!! Isn't he weeping? Aren't his ears bleeding to hear it sung in such a bleuurgh, disinterested manner?

Jason says it's important to have fun in the semifinal. Dawn recommends actually breaking legs. ALW thinks it's great to hear something from the show. About time we heard something from the show - it's been 8 bloody episodes and frankly, if  we'd heard them all, say, attempt 'Gethsemane'  from the beginning, I reckon they would have had no choice but to keep Nathan in as the others just can't do it justice, I'm telling you...the semi final line up would look very different.

On to the individual displays of (ahem) talent.

Rory - he wants to be in the final. Woohoo. 'In The Air Tonight'. Honestly? This song is too big for him. His voice is just too...I dunno. It's like there's no 'beef' in his voice. No substance. Even his falsetto is thin and insubstantial. Not bad, per se, as he has a better voice than the majority of 'regular' pop singers out there, but for MT? For JCS? Not in a million years. Jason reckons he has 'great tone'. Suffice to say, I think we can all agree, that it is doubtful I will agree with a single judge (or they with me if it came to it). Mel C seems to want  to prove how she lives and breathes music. Which she clearly doesn't as she's an ex Spice Girl, but would have never made it as a singer on her own merit without being chosen to be in a hyped up band. Just saying. ALW thinks what Rory has done is extraordinary. Yeah yeah yeah.

Ben - 'Drive'. As performed by Snow Patrol, I love this track. Performed by Ben not so much. Clearly off key a few times and he's still doing that gulping and reaching for notes. The 'acting' does nowt for me. And that riffing is pretty appalling. This was not a winning performance. Which means the judges probably love it. Show stoppingly bad. Vocal stamina????? That is what Jason 'the expert' Donovan calls 'vocal stamina'????? ETHEREAL, Mel C???? The judges are tripping. They are all bloody tripping.

Roger - Murdering this song he is. And I hope Mel C watches herself back on this show and cringes to the point she will be too embarrassed to ever be seen in public again. Seems that the judges and audience are giving Roger the full clap along treatment, even when he sounds flat and dated. The Cynic in me thinks it's because they have been told, by ALW or whoever it may be, that they want him to be one of the final three. He cannot sing the part of JCS. Or maybe he can, but he won't sing it like it is supposed to be sung. Yes I know, it's ALW's score. But that's what amazes me. Can ALW really, truly, honestly not hear it????

Btw, I will be turning the volume down, putting my fingers in my ears and singing 'la la la I'm not listening' while Katherine Jenkins is on. She's like Alfie Bow. Technically fine. OK tone . Emotionally just blank and artificial.

David - 'Consummate Actor' MY ARSE. Singing a Macy Grey staple. Is this 'rock', ALW? Eh? Didn't you want to hear 'ROCK'?? This is making me so angry!! Just got a text from Tamsin saying the same thing. His voice is like a million other peoples voice. I wouldn't recognise it in a line up. His acting is amateurish. I've actually seem better in AmDram. Oh the judges are being all so pleasant. Jason has just described himself as 'an actor and a singer'. I sniggered. I'm wondering if David is out, because everyone is being SO polite but not saying anything of any particular substance. Hmmm. I wish I could care.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO KATHERINE JENKINS!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

I am now sitting in the corner of the room, rocking slowly and staring at a spot on the ceiling whilst muttering profanities under my breath.

I really need to wind this up as I'm becoming an angry old hag. So come on, time for results. Chop chop, no hanging around. I have better things to do like tear my finger nails out and rub garlic in my eyes.

Don't really care what the judges say.

They are all  tone deaf.

David - bottom two.
Ben - safe
Roger - safe
Rory - bottom two

David will be going, I reckon my polite theory was correct.

The worst song ever written for a musical. I hate it. 'No matter what'. They are both equally bad but Rory just marginally less than David who merely thinks acting is staring intensely directly at the camera.

Someone put me out of my abject misery.

ALW, spit it  out. He is so blatantly see-through. I could see his tactics miles off and if I can so can the rest of the nation.

Woop de doo. Rory is in, David is out.

Now I can switch over and regain my equilibrium by necking a bottle of gin
Good night.

Well done K, you got further than me.  I had to resort to the sanity of Youtube to make sure I'm not going completely mad . Tonights blog from me may finish somewhat suddenly.....


Hmfph. Well, Im back, albeit grudgingly.

Group song - "Whats the buzz....?" Finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Roger did best with this. By a mile. But it was still lacking the Jesus factor...you know when he gets them all to shut up and listen??
I shall be short and sweet with comments, none of them do anything for me really.

ALW says he wants rock tonight....erm, ahem, er.... shhh, don't tell him but HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY ROCK SINGERS LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Grrrrr.

Rory -
In the Air tonight.... hit the notes and turn up the echo and you can't really go wrong here boy. Aw, Rory is cute, but surely Tim Minchin (and Mel come to that) would tower over him? They'll have to stand him on a box or something...like they have. That was quite good, but so unexciting. Oh God where is Drew Sarich when you need him???
Brilliant, says Jase earnestly, he is the rock star in this competition. Apparently so. Mel loves him, but then she loves everyone and we all know she wants Ben so really whats the point asking her opinion anyway. Dawn thinks he should be fronting a band.... faint praise. ALW needs to stop thinking up puns. Really. Just stop it.

Advert for the Starlight Express tour....convenient. Can we expect Phantom next?

Ben-
Or "Lovely Ben" as Amanda calls him. (God, he sounds awful in that recap of last night...was he really that bad? And is it me or is he looking a tad S.M.U.G. in the VT? ) OW...OW....OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bad start! I actually made a noise then!!
The judges must hear this??? Flat flat FLAT!!!! Leona Lewis he ain't. He needs to pull this back, it's bloody painful!!! Seriously, the judges are on their feet???? That was DIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It actually got me up off the sofa squealing nononononono......and turning the telly down!! Could he not hear himself????????????? I know I dont like him, but helllfire!!!!!! He just got louder and louder and flatter and flatter!!!! Someone acknowledge this???? I seriously am not sure I can watch this any more. What the hell did they hear? ALW - He really did make it his own. All his own brand new notes. Bloody hell. Emperors new clothes, methinks. We just witnessed a murder on national TV.

Roger-
Oh dear - this is a bit of a cheesefest, and not really a vote winner of a song IMO, and the dated lilac suit isn't helping. More chairdancing from Mel. More flirting from Dawn. More exaggeration from Jason. More patronising bullshit from Andrew. "You're going to have a fabulous career" *subtext* notinmyshowthoughbutthanksforallyoureffortsmate.Yawn.

David-
OMG they have given Mr Bland a classic Macy Gray number. Lots of Acting as always. Or is it pain? One can never really tell. Nope, not for me. Oh, now ALW is telling him he is the great actor/singer the west end needs?! He'd cast him as Joe Gillis??!! Oh come on!

You know what? I am done. I can't watch this anymore. I am taking it all far too seriously and its winding me up. I may be back tomorrow....or not!

There is not one of them left who can do JUSTICE TO THIS
And, no it's not Drew. But David....this is acting. Watch and learn!!!